Friday, 27 May 2011

Feeling hot, hot HOT!

A couple of my fellow Mummy Bloggers have posted this week about sex after children, and are asking the question, "How do you keep things hot and sexy?"

After a conversation with Julie over at Allaboutus and such like we both decided that we would write our own views on the subject, originally bought about by the wonderful Karin at Cafe Bebe.

So, brace yourselves ladies and gents, as although this is a family blog, I am not about to shy away from the issue with a 'flowery' post!

Having 4 young children, clearly, I am no stranger to sex, and this also proves that of course, there IS sex after children, duh..

However, now that my child rearing days are over, sex ceases to have a 'purpose' and has now returned to its rightful place in my life of being all about the fun and enjoyment *does happy dance*

So how do D and I keep things all hot and sexy?

Well despite a laundry mountain that could rival Everest, and the upcoming nuptials doing our heads in, oh and of course 4 kids aged between 7years and 18months, we actually have a very good sex life, thank you very much!

We've listened to each other, and we know what the other likes and dislikes. That's a simple task, right? The hard part is putting it into practice.

So here is my personal advice:

1) Touch! Touch is very important in any relationship. Cuddles on the sofa or in bed while reading. Holding hands or linking arms while out and about, starting and ending the day with a kiss and a hug, just like you do with the kids.

2) There are, of course, issues with time. And in reply to that... NEVER underestimate the power of a quickie!!

Seriously, some of the best sex I've had, have been down to quickies.. When the baby is napping and the 3 girls are having their snacks and watching a cartoon, we race upstairs, lock the bathroom door and don't even bother getting fully undressed! Wham Bam, Thank you Ma'am - Fantastic!

3) Talk. Tell each other what you want, what you like, what gets you excited.
I LOVE it when D kisses me (usually on the forehead) for no reason at all, guaranteed to put a huge smile on my face :) it's silly little things like that, that add up throughout the day and leave you wanting more when the opportunity presents itself..

4) Romance. Now this is a tricky one for me, as I'm not the most romantic girl in the world. I don't 'do' flowers, I'm always on a diet, so no chocolates for me, ta.. We don't have childcare so a night away or even a day trip alone is a no go area.. It really does come down to what you personally find romantic..

Personally, if I don't have to ask D for something, I find that romantic. If he willingly cuddles me up tight, kisses me, out of the blue, rubs my back or strokes my hair... To me, that's romantic. I'm all about the small things... *cough* No, I'm NOT talking about that!!

5) Smell. Now this one may sound weird to some, but for me, my sense of smell is very powerful.

If you're walking down the street and smell some gorgeous aftershave/perfume, you turn around.. Right?! It's inbuilt, natural. Yes, you may be disappointed by the view when you look, but it was the initial attraction.

D very often has 'The Lynx Effect' over me and I can't even begin to describe how hot that makes me, as things would quickly spiral out of control and get a bit dirty ;)

So there are my little gems of knowledge, BUT, what about the male perspective??
Well here is D to add his own thoughts...

I like tits..

No, I can tell from the look that she's giving me that this won't suffice.

I don't feel in any way qualified to give advice or tips. Most of the time I just give it the old British try, hope that she's vaguely enjoying it and not counting the swirls on the ceiling artex, and doing my best to make it through without farting. However, if I ever want to have sex again, I have to do this, so bear with me and brace yourself (coincidentally the words I use as a form of foreplay).

The biggest challenge we face is the kids. I love them to bits but when it comes to sex I wish we had a shed at the bottom of the garden we could raise them in. Raising 4 kids is difficult and a lot of the time one, or more usually both of us, is knackered, so sex can often be the last thing on our minds. It takes as much effort and compromise as any other part of a relationship, which sounds like hard work, but if you look at it in the right way it's another demonstration of how much you care about each other. If I know K is really tired but goes to some effort to initiate things because she knows I'm in the mood, it's sweet, and it shows how much she cares. Likewise there are things I can do that I know she likes which aren't really my cup of tea but I make the effort for her because I love her and I like her to be happy. Like writing this...

One of the biggest changes to our sex life since kids is the need to become opportunistic bonkers, as K mentioned earlier. If the chance is there, no matter how limited, you literally grab it with both hands. If it's a choice between a five minute quicky or nothing at all, it's an easy decision to make. And if it means being sneaky and leaving the kids in front of the TV (with the sound turned well up) then so be it. Again we have to be opportunistic while we can because they won't fall for this forever. Thankfully "Handy Manny" is enough to distract them for now (with the added bonus that if I can hear it "during" it acts as a more effective diversionary delaying tactic than counting Mississippi's or going through the names of the England team in my head...).

Anyway, that's my two penneth. I'll pass you back to The Boss.

Erm... Thanks for that insight into the male mind, D, but as usual, although you've vaguely amused me and made some kind of effort, you have kinda missed the point of the question *rolls eyes, and tuts*

So there you have it, this is how we roll (pardon the pun)  I have no idea if this would be of any help to anyone, but blimey, if nothing at all, it shows that even with a midget army to raise, we can still get hot and steamy in the bedroom (Or should that be bathroom...?!)